If you can’t make your joke funny, make it obscure; people will laugh to show they got it.
You cannot have a contemporary prison without contemporary furniture.
To avoid the obvious remark, one must also avoid remarking on avoiding the obvious remark.
The Ninth Circle is reserved for the optimists, who continuously inform their fellow denizens that they prefer heat to cold anyway, that rolling a boulder up a mountain for eternity is good exercise, and that one should always look on the bright side.
Never eat anything that’s engineered to taste like something else.
If whatever you want and think is permitted, then you live in a free society, as far as you know.
We have reached the point in the history of the West where improvements in small things can no longer mask declines in large ones.
There exists a possible world where adults do not tattle on adults to other adults because they don’t like their language.
When abusing someone, always pick on qualities that he was born with or cannot change: tomorrow he may be sober.
The stupid American, as he is known the world over, mostly means the trusting American.
Nothing public can be conversation, and soon everything will be public.